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9/6/03 11:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
minervasoloI really need to come to a concluysion about my birthday. I toyed, briefly, with the idea of one of those murder mystery parties last night. No. Then cinema, but not only are there no films out I want to see, there's no films out that all my friends would want to see. Then I thought perhaps I could have people from school over on Friday night, and possibly go out for lunch on Sunday with friends who couldn't make it to that. That's the most plausible so far, but it's a lot of organisation and could get rather expensive, plus I'd be shattered by the time MOnday, my actual birthday, rolled around.
I have two problems: no matter when i organise something for, someone on't be able to come, and no matter what I organise, someone won't enjoy it. I'm an emotional sponge, if someon's feeling down I feel just as down. And no matter what I organise, at some point someone's going to get a little bored, or upset, or depressed...
Basically, I'd rather not have a birthday at all. I already feel a year older than I am, by dint of being the youngest in my group of friends. There's nothing I want, so presents aren't a motivation. I've gone off cake at the moment, mum's on a diet anyway and my sister's got ATC (Air Training Crops) on the night of my bday anyway. I don't particularly want to learn to drive. Really, why bother?
I feel like being a complete bitch lately. It's aprt of this whole feeling-sorry-for-myself skit. If I'm a bitch, no one will lik me, and I'll be justified in feeling martyred, except it would be self-inflicted so I wouldn't. Needless to say, I don't have it in me. I smile and make nice to everyone, even if I can't stand their company. ANd I like nearly everyone any way, so moot point.
On Holly's (Anria's sister, either step or ahlf, I can't remember) Birthday, we held her a surprise party. Twas fun, but I think i'd go nuts if eople did the same for me. All the same problems as holding one myself, but guilt for not haivng gone to hte effort to organise a party myself. What really bugged me at the time was fJ's constant repetition of 'if you have a party I'll have more money to spend on your present', which (and I know she never meant it this way) sounds a bit crass, as if she were saying 'if you don't have a party you'll get a cheap and nasty present'. I don't think it occured to her that it occasionally came across that way, but it felt like she was pressurizing H into having a party which perhaps she didn't want. She was very grateful ofr the surprise arty though, so all good in the end. The point of this paragraph would be that if J tried the same on me and I'm still in this kind of mood when I see her I might just tell her what I think, which I don't want to because I know she has absolutely no idea that it sounds like that.
If I do something for my bday, it won't be because other people want me to. That much I know. IRL I probably won't even mention it.
Of course, when my mood improves I'll probably be all gung ho for parties galore, but I doubt it. Now, i have to go and clean, because darling mother is paying me to, and she eeds the computer to work. Money good.
ttfn
I have two problems: no matter when i organise something for, someone on't be able to come, and no matter what I organise, someone won't enjoy it. I'm an emotional sponge, if someon's feeling down I feel just as down. And no matter what I organise, at some point someone's going to get a little bored, or upset, or depressed...
Basically, I'd rather not have a birthday at all. I already feel a year older than I am, by dint of being the youngest in my group of friends. There's nothing I want, so presents aren't a motivation. I've gone off cake at the moment, mum's on a diet anyway and my sister's got ATC (Air Training Crops) on the night of my bday anyway. I don't particularly want to learn to drive. Really, why bother?
I feel like being a complete bitch lately. It's aprt of this whole feeling-sorry-for-myself skit. If I'm a bitch, no one will lik me, and I'll be justified in feeling martyred, except it would be self-inflicted so I wouldn't. Needless to say, I don't have it in me. I smile and make nice to everyone, even if I can't stand their company. ANd I like nearly everyone any way, so moot point.
On Holly's (Anria's sister, either step or ahlf, I can't remember) Birthday, we held her a surprise party. Twas fun, but I think i'd go nuts if eople did the same for me. All the same problems as holding one myself, but guilt for not haivng gone to hte effort to organise a party myself. What really bugged me at the time was fJ's constant repetition of 'if you have a party I'll have more money to spend on your present', which (and I know she never meant it this way) sounds a bit crass, as if she were saying 'if you don't have a party you'll get a cheap and nasty present'. I don't think it occured to her that it occasionally came across that way, but it felt like she was pressurizing H into having a party which perhaps she didn't want. She was very grateful ofr the surprise arty though, so all good in the end. The point of this paragraph would be that if J tried the same on me and I'm still in this kind of mood when I see her I might just tell her what I think, which I don't want to because I know she has absolutely no idea that it sounds like that.
If I do something for my bday, it won't be because other people want me to. That much I know. IRL I probably won't even mention it.
Of course, when my mood improves I'll probably be all gung ho for parties galore, but I doubt it. Now, i have to go and clean, because darling mother is paying me to, and she eeds the computer to work. Money good.
ttfn
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Date: 9/6/03 05:41 am (UTC)I really can't see Sophie or Gene enjoying one of our parties much, but I can't see, for example, mJ wanting to go out for a nice meal. I really have to do something with S and G beacuse it's one of the only times I'll see them, but S has school on Saturday and I think G works. Trying to organise stuff around everyone's jobs is hard. You can see why nada is a prfectly viable option. My bday's a school day anyway, so I'll see y'all.
And I know I can't be a bitch. I can think bitch, but I'd never dare say it. Except in RPG, because I like being the bad guy and making really snide comments at Gary-Stu's and Mary-Sue's and all poweful Jedi characters that can do absolutely anything(speaking from experience here, as you may have guessed ^_^; it never even occured to me that the person would take what I said about their character personally)...
Oh, two things I've been meaning to ask you: 1, are you going to Chessington (only 6 are, and I'm trying to work out who, since it turns out I'm not one of them), and 2, have you been for a look around Cambridge yet? My gran lives relatively clos, s she suggested I went up for a weekend and caught the train into Chessington for a an explore, and since you want to go there to I thought you might like to come up too.
Huh. long reply.
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Date: 9/6/03 11:54 am (UTC)Anyways, got a suggestion for you - what's wrong with doing two things for your b'day? You can go out for a meal with your family or Sophie and Gene, and you can have a party-type-thing with us. With a party, people find their own entertainment so if they don't it's not your fault. As for me going all quiet - can you keep a secret? ^_^ It's almost always because I'm tired. I'm a tired little person, I need my beauty sleep - and lots of it, judging by my face. ::snicker::
Huh. Equally long reply to the reply. ^_^
Re:
Date: 9/6/03 12:58 pm (UTC)The chessington thing is a case of I called jaime a few days ago, and she ordered the tickets online, and only six. She blatantly wasn't expecting me (cause of current guilt, btw) so I said I might make my own way there. Since I'm going with school anyway, all pid for and stuff, I don't know whether I particularly want to go twice.
I have contemplated two party thing, but it's a case of whether I'll be utterly worn out by my actual birthday. Meh, I'll work stuff out later. Got to stop depressing about it, since it's relaly not that important... which would e why it's getting me down. Oh, viscious circle ^_^ Nah, not important. I'll figure stuff out once I know what everyone else is doing.