(no subject)

[minervasolo]

Skive: an anceitn Anglo-Saxon word with much the same meaning as it has today.

My Point: I skived English! First time I've every really skived a lesson. Yes, I'm proud of it. We spent a few hours in town, eating lunch and just hanging out, which was fun, then came back up to college to, um, eat and hang out, basically. The point is I could have been in an incredibly boring English revision class which most students would have been skiving anyway.

I'm proud ofmyself in an indulgently guilty sort of way i have two 'switches' in my head, well, 'alarms' really, that go off occasionally. One is "I'm a good girl!", which keeps me from lying and doing things like skiving, the other I "I'm too dull to...", which keeps insising that "I'm too dull to be gay". A novel reason to possibly be in denial, but having spent my life being so utterly average I'm unique the idea I might possibly fit in some kind of minority group is just too surreal. Anyway, I suppressed the "I'm a good girl" switch long enough to get into town, which was a great acheivement.

What else have I done today... Well, not much. Listened to maths teacher tel us how we're all going to fail, but we're the most fun he's had in years. Still hunting for episode 9 of WOlf's Rain. i've found 12-14, but it would be remarkably useful to watch 9-11 first, ne?

ttfn

Comments

[almighty-frog.livejournal.com]

. . . "I'm too dull to be gay"? WTF? Min, find some LOGIC! That's ridiculous! And I'm proud of you for skiving! ^_^

Re:

[minervasolo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the whole fancying you ought to have put paid to that, though I'm _probably_ not gay (you think I'd be able to figure it out, right? I mean, it's me. Who knows me better than me?). It just worked as a good denial whilst at an all girl school. That and 'I don't know any guys...'.

But, yes, I still find the idea I possibly like girls rather daunting and extremely surreal, because it's me and I'm, well, too dull. It would be an interesting thing, and I'm not someone who has interesting things. I conform and blend in and have no distinguishing or interesting personality traits whatsoever. I lack an identity, and there's a distinct possibility the only resaon I fancy you is because you like girls, and maybe I'm just idolising you. I don't think that's it, since I'm pretty certain I've been attracted to other girls before, but it is still a possibility.

Perhaps I should point out: this is not rational thinking. This is not conscious thought. This is me studying my own emotions and reactions in a leettle too much depth and coming to conculsions that, to be honest, are probably correct. 99% of the time I don't think any of the above. It's this darned self-anaylsis thing coming up again, but in a less depressing state.

*sighs* You understand why I've given up trying to figure it out now? I really do have difficulty convincing myself that I'm not "Too dull to be gay." At least I've passed "To dull to like girls". I owe you one for that! ^_~ I just can't see myself with anyone, most of the time, and part of me really wants to be that fifties housewife with 2.4 children and a smal detached house in a village somewhere. I want to be able to see myself in a relationship with some form of emotional attachment, and I can't. I really don't want to be asexual.

Okay, enough. This is a ridiculously long reply as it is. Take it as read: the head of minsolo is a strange and alarming place where no being should tread. It is best given a wide berth and left to its own devices. Move along people, move along... ^_^

[almighty-frog.livejournal.com]

I think that's pretty much normal. It'd take either a very odd person (or a stupidly secure one - arrogant springs to mind) to not question themselves in various ways - sexuality is a common one these days. But I don't think you're doing yourself a favour with the over-analysing - I figured out my sexuality by letting go of the part of me that said "you shouldn't think like that" and the part that said "you should think like that" and just seeing what my actual thoughts and reactions to things were. Then I realised that yes, it wasn't just me being influenced by Lizzard, I am actually bisexual.

And you have plenty of things that distinguish you from everyone else. Don't apologise for having a personality - or try to convince yourself you don't. ^_^

Basically, everything I can determine from your periods of self-analysis is "you're normal." :P

Re:

[minervasolo.livejournal.com]

::Huggle::