I would blame it on the weather, but...

[minervasolo]

Ugh. It's one of those days, isn't it? Miserable weather, miserable me.

I swear, before I went to college, the weather had no effect on my moods. Now, the minute it clouds over I start sulking, basically. I feel depressed and indulge the feeling.

I'm a sheep. My college friends are prone to depressive bouts, and, naturally the minute I get wind of this so am I. They've all got reasons. Me, I'm just... I don't know. I realised in Pysch no one was paying any particular attention to me, in fact, they rarely do (in psych, that is, not all the time...). I don't do anything to gain attention, and they need the attention with various crises. Me, i just wanted attention for attention's sake. Attention seeking, basically. That's me. Why else would i be whining where anyone can read it?

Something that bugs me, slightly: they don't thank me when i do the bulk of the work. Okay, maybe it was just once, but I was feeling down and I noticed that they didn't say thank you when I did everything because they were also feeling down. So maybe it was just once and I'm feeling pissy anough to make a point of it.

i swore, too. Said 'shitty'. See, when i swear, I really mean it I never swear. Say damn a hell of a lot, but I have to be a seriously bad mood to start using proper swear words. People pick up on it too, but they don't realise it's a sign of a bad mood. They just comment and look at me funny.

Anria told me to 'be happy'. I was proud because I didn't immediately reply 'I am!' See, I'm 'fakky', fake-happy, most of the time. No, that's a lie, i'm not. Only when i'm feeling crappy do i think that, because it's hard to imagine feeling any other way. But I do tend to smile and make nice when i don't feel like it, because doing aything else would only make matters worse. Not ust obligation, but if everyone else is a bad mood don't want to make it worse.

Just, one of those days. Pretty much everything has gone right, but it still feels wrong. mJ may have convinced T i fancy her. I don't. Cuddling as we sleep was not a sexual thing. She's straight and the onyl girl I've ever been attracted to is Anria. I may get rather pissed if he has managed to convince her, but, of course, i won't mention it to him. Haven't been able to do exactly as I like, though what I'd like to do reamins a mystery to me. The weather is fucking miserable, I'm back at college, we have two weeks until hte exams start... Yeah, not a happy bunny.

Snapped at mum in car over uni thing. We didn't fight (we never fight), but I told her to stop going on about it. She objected, naturally, but I think she's acquiesed. I'm just getting fustrated with everyone over everything. Why can't people leave me alone? Heh, considering I was going on about attention seeking, there is irony in my contradictive demands. I'm the same about what 'type' of relationship I want, which is a moot point because I'm bloodysingle, which is also getting on my nerves.

So, to sum up, I'm sick of the weather, I'm sick of my friends, I'm sick of college, I'm sick of uni, I'm sick of bieng single, I'm most definately sick of me going on about what I'm sick of. Not self-loathing, just being pissed at myself for having such a negative attitude and whining so much. Even when it's internal whining, it still bugs me. I have nothing to whine about! I feel impatient when other people do it, so why am i? Little hypocrite.

Roz is so pretty. Her hair is grogeous! mH remembers nothing about party, so much teasing. Apparantly T and I looked worse being watched, if that makes any sense. mJ is convinced I fancy T.

ttfn

Comments

[almighty-frog.livejournal.com]

Uh, I tried posting something to this effect before, but it didn't show up. . . .

Don't worry about complaining, it just shows you're a normal person with normal problems no matter how much you think you're strange. I'm sorry about the psych thing. I do try to include everyone as much as I can, but it's hard when the three of us have almost nothing in common. Any two of us, yeah, but not all three. So even if it seems like I'm ignoring you, I'm not trying to - I just can't think of a conversation topic. Sorry!

And it's not that I don't appreciate you doing the work, it's that I'm utterly crap with compliments. So here's what I really think: you are a wonderful, very talented girl who is going to get straight As on her AS' and A's, and it doesn't matter where you go to Uni or what you do because you'll be great at it no matter what. I'm always extremely grateful when you do the work because when I do it comes out wrong or has gaping holes in the middle, and when you do it it comes out perfect. I'm sorry I never tell you this stuff, but like I said, I'm crap with compliments. And don't worry about off-loading to me (read: rant) any time you want to. I'm all ears (not THAT kind of ears!), and I'm always here. ^_^

Re:

[minervasolo.livejournal.com]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

you so sweet! ::huggles and cuddles and snuggles::

I know you and J aren't ignoring me. It is difficult to hold a conversation with the three of us sitting in a row. And your work never has holes or mistakes. Trust me, me and J rely on you. You actually work. I make up random crap and he... he also makes up random crap. Won't work in an exam, but it's entertaining.

its just been one of those days. I tried to reinstall the scanner earlier and it told me some of the files that had been installed had overwritten vital windows files and we had to reinstall windows immediately. So, much backing up. Chloe - one disc. Harry - 1 disc. Me - 15 discs. ^_^ And then, of course, windows is fine but the scanner still doesn't work. Cable problems. So, no nekkid!Tybalt fanart for anyone but you.

Okay, 'ears' is never going to be usable again. The mental image conjured up by the phrase was bizarre enough before, but now...

more hugs!