(no subject)

[minervasolo]

"'You wouldn't like me when I'm angry' is a cliche. It's true of course, but the fact is I don't like me when I'm angry. I don't like having to buy a new bath tub each time I get angry because while it's taken three days to get the blood off my skin there's nothing that'll get it out of the porcelain now.

"What's funny, you see, is you think you've seen me angry. You think I'm angry right now. You'e listening to this thinking 'He's just bluffing, he's angry now and he's poncing about and talking in that cold, calm voice people use when they're pissed'. I am pissed off, true. But I'm not angry. You've got too many limbs still attached to call it that.

"Don't make me angry. I'm quite enjoying this little speech, and I'd like to remember it. When my hormones go that wild I don't, you see. It's all chemical, and I've had so many chemicals in my blood its all a little crazy in here right now, you see?

"The woman I love is dead. Don't give me that shit, she's dead. Dead by my definition, and I think that's the one that counts while you're chained to the floor, right? I'm experienced with dead women, I've made a lot that way. I used to get angry more easily, but I was scared to let go. Scared to lose myself. These days, I almost prefer the deniability. It's like insanity. They can't put you in prison if you're insane, just in a mental hospital.

"I don't want to get truly angry now. I can be fun, but there's something about that kind of helplessness that almost scares me. It's not fun. It's completely irrational. It makes me doubt my sanity. And it lasts for days, usually. One day the police will catch up with me and I'll have to plead insanity, because no one sane could wreak that kind of havoc.

"I don't sleep during those periods. I'm not sure I eat, unless it's bloody flesh. I've woken up with tendons between my teeth before. That time I had to get a whole new apartment, not just bath, not just clothes. It's expensive. I just keep destroying until physical exhaustion pins me down, and when I wake up I feel wonderful. Post-coital, in a way. The anger is like an inversed orgasm. My mind, during those times, is equally inside-out.

"So, since I've decided to stay reasonably calm, I'll shoot you instead."



I can't decide if this is Spike (btvs), Schuldig (WK) or a character from an origfic. I'd prefer original, but then I have to pick one, and part of me wants to say one of the vampires (it's a series of short stories, but I'm having trouble getting around to writing the overall plot arc) but it doesn't quite click properly. If it is an 'OC' from that, it's probably Jack the Ripper.

Ah, hell, it's just plain Jack the Ripper, non-fictional. Heh, it fits fair enough.

Schuldig bit (taken out since it doesn't fit with hte rest, but I quite like it anyway) -
"I like losing control. I like the deniability. I like sex, I like drugs, I like letting my emotions take over and carry me off. Without those extremes of passion I'm nothing but a rather petty and malicious little man. The kind who's alway a step above you in the office and makes you pay for new pencils when yours breaks."

Comments

[almighty-frog.livejournal.com]

Hmm . . . seems more Spike than Schuldig to me. Just a general impression. But good! ^^

[minervasolo.livejournal.com]

It did start off as Schuldig, but I've been rading a lot of Buffy fics recently, which is why it lasped into Spike rather quickly. With a few alterations, i think i'll just call it Jack hte Ripper and put it up on somethingwhispers